So first I need to address something that's really been bothering me. The judgement of not working right now. So let me break it down for you:
In the past 8 years, I have missed way too much work due to being ill. I never knew why I was sick so often but Lyme is hard on your immune system, hence why I got a cold or flu every month or so. I have also had to quit a few jobs because of the symptoms I have experienced such as severe back pain, panic attacks, extreme fatigue, and the list goes on and on. There have been times where I felt I needed to be taken to the emergency room, or just sit in the bathroom for hours because of gastrointestinal issues.
While I am battling Lyme, I need a lot of sleep. My body is constantly fighting off disease and it needs adequate rest to recoup. I feel embarrassed about this, because it comes of as being lazy, but it just isn't true. A lot of the time I feel like I got run over by a Semi. I know I look fine on the outside... but take a step inside my body and you'll see that it is exhausting being in pain all the time!
Sometimes I am useless, where other times I can actually put makeup on and look nice for my husband :)
Not to mention, I have trouble doing a lot of thinks like cooking, cleaning, talking, walking, shopping, etc. It wears me out!! And sometimes I have what I call a "brain fog". The first time I heard the term brain fog I was in my doctor’s office. The instant I heard that phrase jumped with joy! Because finally, one medical professional, took my symptoms seriously and gave me the words to describe what I was living with day in and day out, a seemingly impenetrable brain fog. Why was I beginning to stutter? What was I supposed to do on the days when I could not put two words together? Why did I have to search my mind so hard to find the correct word to use in a sentence? Lyme and Lyme-related co-infections thrive in brain tissue. As they live and multiply, they create infection(s) that in turn cause quite a disturbance in the brain. Infection leads to swelling of tissue. Since the infection begins in the brain, the tissues in the head swell. Swelling in the head causes sinus problems, frightful dreams and painful headaches. (mine include the latter 2). Simply said, the head is supposed to be disease-free and safe-place for the brain. As disease enters the head, the brain can no longer function the way it is designed to function. For example, the brain tries to send signals to cells, however infection makes it impossible for the electric impulse to travel safely to those cells, the cells do not receive the signals they were supposed to receive. A lot of thought is lost in the process.
Anyway-- needless to say, or apparently it is needed-- it is very difficult for me to function in a work setting. I am taking a full load of classes through UI right now, and that seems to be about the most I can do.
So maybe I look well enough, but I am not exaggerating anything and I know what I need: to stay home and get better.
As for day 9 of treatment... Yesterday I had quite a bit of pain-- sharp pains in my legs that made it difficult to walk. I got another pretty bad headache in the evening which made staying up very exhausting. I'm tired of the shots, and the pills. :( This is all I can muster up for the day... have a good one!
